What do you do when your childhood hero dies?

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Liam Payne's death affected me more than I expected. My thoughts on the fans and haters on the internet – and a farewell to the people who shaped my life. Somehow.

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In early 2010, I felt so ashamed as a One Direction fan. A 12-year-old girl listening to cheesy pop music by five pretty boys? Is there a bigger cliché? Probably not. Despite this, I maintained my presence as a mentor. That's saying something, because to 12-year-old me, almost nothing was more important than being cool. Let’s be honest: listening to One Direction won’t do much for you street cred give. That’s why I still put an Eminem song in between “Stockholm Syndrome” and “Rock Me.”

One Direction was the most successful boy band of the 2010s, but announced their hiatus in 2016, which continues to this day.Image: Getty Images North America

Today, I am 25 years old street cred Not that important anymore. One more question: “Which concert would you spend as much money on as the Swifties?” I can answer “One Direction” with confidence. A few weeks ago, when the internet started discussing Liam Payne (my favorite member of One Direction), I felt uneasy.

Liam Payne is the son of One Direction.Picture: www.imago-images.de

Liam's ex-fiancée Maya Henry posted a TikTok in which she made horrific accusations against him. He is said to have been manipulating their relationship and until recently was “obsessively contacting” her. A veritable trash storm then began online. Fans filmed themselves removing Liam's picture from the wall, or made it clear that they were more of a fan of Niall and always knew Liam was up to no good. This doesn't surprise me: The internet is stupid and cruel. But I can’t say these hate videos don’t disturb me at all.

After all, this isn't the first time someone from Hollywood has appeared to be an asshole on the surface. Instead, ever since Will Smith got slapped by the Oscars, I've been wondering if you should still be a fan today. So it's no longer surprising when your favorite actor suddenly accuses his ex of pooping in his bed, or a musician you've listened to for years is called a pedophile by his colleagues. Or: Your favorite One Direction member, the one you spent your youth with and who allegedly stalked your ex-fiancée.

Really: Should you still be a fan now? Also: How do you respond when your childhood hero isn't a hero? are you angry? Are you telling me you know all celebrities are terrible? Are you sad? Or do you accept the fact that even your favorite celebrities are only human?

this Wrong But it’s safe to deal with spreading hate online. In December, Liam Payne opened up about his battle with substance abuse. In recent weeks, it has also become clear that he was suffering mental damage from text messages he sent to his ex-fiancée.

Don't get me wrong: It's important and right to criticize celebrities and hold them accountable for their inappropriate behavior. But descending to the level of cyberbullying and suddenly becoming filled with hatred for celebrities is not the answer.

Maya still did the right thing by telling her story. But I'm not sure TikTok is the right platform and the public is the right place to report this kind of story. Hate on the internet is no joke, and Maya and others who participate in hateful messages bear responsibility. But now blaming Maya for Liam's death just proves the ignorance that only the internet can produce. Yes, fans do do that under their videos.

Liam Payne and Maya Henry 2021.Picture: www.imago-images.de

But I'm getting off topic. I'm writing this mostly because I'm sad and I feel weird about being sad. Despite my devoted conductor's heart, I ultimately didn't really pay attention to Liam Payne's solo music, and my daily life wouldn't have changed as a result of his death. I’m not going to sit in front of my laptop and cry right now.

In 2010, One Direction placed third on the British talent show “The X Factor.”Picture: www.imago-images.de

But I'm still sad. Sad that Liam Payne died, sad that he had to face so much hate before he died, sad that a child lost his father, sad that the One Direction reunion I so patiently waited for I have been waiting for the funeral of one of the members to be carried out.

When my dad Bruno went to the doctor, he saw something that didn't belong there. As we awaited the biopsy results, I had tears in my eyes. Where is Bruno? He celebrates life!

When I was little, we used to eat comfort toast at home. Comfort Toast is the invention of my dad, Bruno. Comfort toast is toast topped with a mixture of cinnamon and sugar (of course).