Dean and I met in 1967 at the University of Adelaide when we were 18 and in our second year of science degrees. We worked again and again in the biochemistry lab. I soon discovered to my delight that he was on top of the subject and could answer my questions. I remember thinking, “This man is smart and useful.” Soon I would “accidentally” meet him at restaurants, libraries, and bookstores. Eventually he asked me out but we only dated for a few months. No drama. We parted ways. He told me afterwards that I was too frivolous; I found him very serious.
Fast forward two years and we were both studying for our honors. We started running into each other late at night in the library and we fell into comfortable conversation again. My mom noticed his frequent mentions and invited me to my 21st birthday party. He looked very nice at the door holding a big bunch of flowers and got along very easily with my friends. As he got into his car, he asked me out to the movies.
A week later we were early for a movie session, so we went window shopping. We talked and talked; He had wide interests. I learned something every time he spoke. He was kind and quietly confident, and I sensed a gentle strength about him. He is not as serious as I thought. I can make him laugh – the ultimate compliment. I was full of joy. I don't want window shopping to end.
That night he took me to see Charlie with Cliff Robertson; Then, there was 2001: A Space Odyssey. This was probably an experiment as science fiction was one of his interests. If so, I passed.
Being with Dean was intellectually stimulating. He opened up new worlds to me. I started working through his science fiction library. I would have dinner with his family and then we would both retire to his bedroom and close the door – to listen to classical music. The family said they later wondered what they were doing. Beethoven!
We shared an interest in astronomy and bought a telescope with our meager savings. He understood the scientific and technical aspects; I know my way around the sky and can show him the rings of Saturn. His main hobby is shell collecting, and his idea of a perfect date is crawling on our stomachs on the beach, looking for tiny shells. It became my favorite activity. We became inseparable.
Dean is reserved, independent and hides his emotions. I don't expect declarations of undying love. About three months into our relationship, he left for a week-long science conference – and I told him I was going to miss him. His response: “I'm going to have a good time.”
I met the bus when he returned, waiting excitedly at the stop late at night. As he came down the bus steps, I realized he was a little pale and seedy. We hugged. And then when we turned to leave, he said, “I missed you,” not looking at me, not in a romantic way, but almost defiantly. How dare I get under his skin! How dare I express an emotion! It took me a moment to process what he said and then the words hit me like a thunderbolt. That's when I knew he loved me. He broke a hangover to reveal it.
He was not going to abandon me after that. We returned to our respective homes, and I think he must have slept soundly, but I was seized with a happy restlessness.
We got married in 1971 (I asked him) and have been together for 53 years. I was not the first to appreciate Dean's kindness, patience, respect for others, and loyalty. His calmness balanced out my more outgoing personality. After doing half of the housework, he eventually took over the cooking. He was a parent to our daughter from the beginning, changing nappies and comforting the restless child throughout the night. Not so much for men in the 1970s! She nursed me through breast cancer twice. Older people called him to help with odd jobs and computer battles.
Of course we clashed at times. I was clean, he was a mess. He was cautious and I was more impulsive. We were both stubborn, but learned to say “sorry” and mean it. After all, we had a lot of fun. Love is knowing that you always have someone by your side.
It is a life of adventure, travel, learning and sharing. We loved the exterior. We studied and wrote about nature and spread the message of conservation. We've experienced ancient fossil sites, active volcanoes and arctic tundra; Camping alone in a vast red desert, he climbed the Rocky Mountains and traveled to places in Kyoto mentioned in ancient Japanese literature. After retiring from our scientific careers, I worked on moth collections at Museums Victoria. Dean was working the shell on the porch.
Now I am the only one who carries these memories. Dean suffers from severe dementia and is at home. He occasionally recognizes me when I come. Then he smiled and held my hand. We walk in the garden of the house, and as always, our love of the outdoors brings us together.
Let us know the moment you know
Do you have a romantic feeling you want to share? From quiet domestic scenes to dramatic revelations, Guardian Australia wants to hear about the moment you knew you were in love.
