The 6 Worst Provinces To Live In, Ranked

It’s a hard life for the citizens of Tamriel, the central arena in The Elder Scrolls universe, no matter the place or era. Not only do the subjects of the empire live under constant threat of war, wild animals, and starvation, but mage spells gone awry, primordial time-eating dragons, and the occasional visit from a living shezarrine. Even Nirn’s safest-seeming spots often hide underbellies crawling with bandits, mad mages, or literal monsters that each yearn to loot, electrocute, or slither around the skull of a hapless wanderer, respectively.

While the nine provinces featured in The Elder Scrolls games hold dangers and splendor in equal measure, some are more hostile to human, elven, or beast folk life than others. For those adventurers with more gold in their inventories than they know what to do with, a housing investment is always a safe investment, barring the event of a Daedric invasion, dragon break, or reactivation of a certain dwarven walking tower. For those looking to settle down, these provinces should be considered with caution.

6 Hammerfell

Death By Heat & Dehydration

• The heat is a downside to those who cannot abide high temperatures
• Magic is frowned upon and discouraged in most parts

The province of Hammerfell is home to many fascinating sights to see, experiences to relish, and fine cultures to sample. However, just as the mountainous lands to the east seen in The Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim is colder than cold, Hammerfell’s deserts and the sun that hangs above them can boil the flesh and quickly steal the moisture of any unprepared travelers passing between its towns, cities, or outposts.

While sandstorms and dangerous wildlife plague the outer walls, the region’s strong government keeps the peace within, making populated areas generally safe. However, Hammerfell’s citizens tend to be wary of magicka-sensitive types and generally dismiss spellcasters as troublemakers at best, especially those of the destruction or conjuration schools.

5 The Summerset Isles

Death By Snobbery

• Rent is sure to be high in the land of the high elves
• The Isles are almost entirely occupied by perfectionists whose parties are rarely fun

Considering that the architecture of Alinor is often described to have been “made of glass or insect wings,” renters or prospective homeowners should not be surprised to learn that the prices are as high as the elves that live in the capital, and that exclusivity likely applies to any other part of the Isles, if to a slightly lesser degree. Even with enough gold to purchase all the Elder Scrolls in known existence, an outsider would still find it hard even to find sellers willing to part with their property for a lowly foreigner.

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For any non-Altmer (or even high elves with perceived flaws or deficiencies or low social or financial standing), it is technically possible to eke a living on the Isles, and there are relatively few monsters found lurking about to rack up the health potion bills. However, the gradual social paranoia built up after missing so many high elf social cues and being the recipient of so many endless nose-clearing noises will likely make anyone long for harsh badlands or the frozen wastes of lands across the sea.

4 Morrowind

Death By Ash Storms (Or Slavery)

• Ash storms, lava lakes, and angry farmers make Morrowind a less-than-ideal place for retirement
• Slavery for non-dark elves may or may not still be in effect

The north-eastern province of Morrowind has seen some hard times since the Neravarine’s return in The Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind. The eruption of the Red Mountain covers Vvardenfell with heaping layers of ash. Although cliff racers were hunted to extinction and slavery was abolished during the closing days of the Third Era, strange beasts still wander the landscape, and unlucky Argonians and Khajiit wanderers are still likely to be captured and worked to death in the fields, given the Empire’s weakened state in the Fourth Era.

The Dunmer (or at least those who didn’t evacuate between the volcanic eruption and Black Marsh’s conquest of much of the land) are likely to resent or even attack outlanders who wander in too close, no matter how high their personality or speechcraft skill. Caution is highly encouraged.

3 Skyrim

Death By Frostbite Or Dragons

• Civil war, dragons, and bears roam these lands
• No amount of fire magic is enough to counter Skyrim’s inhospitable cold

The proud home of the Nords can be a ruggedly beautiful and exciting place to be, but it is also one of the most deadly places to live. Only the hardiest survive its frozen expanses, which are filled with empty-bellied bears, wolves, or worse. Dragons are known to appear as if from thin air to terrorize townsfolk. A bitter civil war has left its jarls with few resources to secure their holds. Most towns look like ruins and bandits run rampant.

Fire-breathing dragons aren’t good news for property owners, or anyone, for that matter. For the glory-hungry warrior types who enjoy camping out in the cold, Skyrim may offer a refreshingly simple change of pace. For those who enjoy feeling the toes on the end of their feet, it may be worth staying on the warmer side of the Jerall Mountains.

2 Valenwood

Death By Cannibalism

• The flora found in the woods is beautiful but deadly
• The wood elves have a tendency to eat their enemies, which is enough to put goblins off their appetite

Lush riverbanks, exotic wildlife, and staggeringly large migratory trees carrying cities on their branches might seem idyllic for nature lovers. Still, there are a few things to consider before moving to Valenwood, home of the wood elves. Firstly, there is a type of plant there called “the strangler” that can spit poison as accurately as any archer and has grasping vines as strong as an orc’s forearm.

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Secondly, the wood elves (or the Bosmer) enforce strict rules against tampering with the woods. That includes wood chopping or flower picking. Even accidental damage can be met with a swift arrow to the kidney. Additionally, the Bosmer folk let nothing go to waste that falls on the forest floor, and that includes people. Cannibalism may be too much even for the most open-minded. Even outsiders with closed minds will still find themselves on the menu if they misbehave.

1 Black Marsh

Death By Black Marsh

• Everything is poison, even the plants and air
• Even the Daedra know not to make a move against this toxic bog

Noxious air, giant snakes, diseased water sources, and flesh-eating flies all await the prospective Black Marsh homeowner at their doorstep of choice every day. The only upside to being a home-owner in the land of the Argonians is the lack of Daedra roaming around, but only because the creatures (and plants!) that live there cause the immortal Oblivion-dwellers to shudder in their Dream Sleeves following their embarrassing defeat in the swamps during the Oblivion Crisis.

For all besides the Argonian people who have built up an immunity to all the poisons and sicknesses of Black Marsh, this side of Tamriel is an absolute no-go zone. Even the Empire of Tiber Septim (AKA Mighty Talos) couldn’t effectively sweep this region into its jurisdiction during his heyday. Even if house prices there are practically a steal, remember that the swamps will reclaim whatever they want, including the lives of its ill-prepared occupants.

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