Warning: This report contains details of abuse that some readers may find disturbing.
A man who was kicked and punched, forced to sleep on the floor by his ex-girlfriend and prevented from going to the bathroom says he wants to tell his story to help other victims.
Gareth Jones, 41, reveals that he needed more than a year of therapy to recover from the physical and emotional abuse he suffered from a woman he met online in July 2021.
The Mankind Initiative charity, which helped Jones, says male domestic abuse is not as rare as some people think, and one in six or seven men will be a victim in their lifetime.
Earlier this year, Sarah Rigby, 41, was sentenced to 20 months in prison, suspended for two years, after pleading guilty to coercion and controlling behaviour.
Detective Sophie Ward, of Cheshire Police in England, said Rigby had “complete control” over the victim.
“Many people think that only women are victims of controlling and coercive behavior, but as this case shows, this is not always the case,” she added.
Jones, who is an NHS manager, said she was isolated from friends and family during the nine-month relationship and lost control of her finances for around £40,000 (approximately R$295,000).
He was subjected to daily verbal abuse and humiliation, and was not allowed to use the bathroom or shower in the house without Rigby's permission.
The strict restrictions on her diet caused her to lose 28kg in two months, while Rigby repeatedly threatened her.
Five months after the court ruling, she told the BBC that at first the relationship seemed “normal”, although looking back she could see it was “too affectionate”.
“I think they are calling love bombing (Like 'Love Bomb'),” he said.
“I thought: How can this person be so kind?”
“It's amazing to you… you think you might actually be the right person and it might work.”
“It's very powerful.”
She left her apartment and moved into Rigby's house four months after they met. That's when the abuse increased.
Rigby paid for all the time he had spent at home previously.
He paid £700 (about R$5,000) a month in rent, including all bills, but was not entitled to a key and could only enter the property when he was at home.
She imposed restrictions on his use of the bathroom and what he could and could not eat.
“As punishment, if things didn't go well, he made me sleep on the floor without a blanket,” he said.
“I wasn't allowed to shower, shave or use the bathroom. I had to be patient and try to get to the local supermarket, pub or restaurant.”
“If she wants to leave, I have to leave even if I try to work.”
Rigby would check his phone, say, “You're with me now,” and tell him not to contact his family and friends.
He immediately deleted all the text messages he sent to his mother to avoid repercussions.
There was physical abuse such as biting, kicking, scratching and scratching.
She described an incident during a long weekend in London in which Rigby demanded she buy him a designer handbag.
“We were in Harrods (a luxury department store) and she said, 'We're not leaving until you buy me something expensive,'” he recalled.
“He put a nail in my sweater and my arm was bleeding, until he made me buy him an expensive one.”
Five months after moving in with Rigby, things came to a head when he secretly met up with his mother for coffee.
“She collapsed in front of me,” he said.
“I thought, 'I can't put my family through this anymore…they're begging me to leave.'”
At the time, Jones called the initiative Mankind.
They confirmed that she was experiencing domestic violence and hearing this from a neutral person helped her understand that she needed to get out of the relationship.
'Sai Desa'
Jones' mother, Diane Debence, said the family was “proud” of Jones for taking the step of sharing what happened.
“You go through a lot of emotions.”
“There is frustration. You want to shake that person and say, 'Get out of there.'
“You know he is suffering. He is your son no matter how old he is. “You feel really helpless.”
Debons said he saw Jones with injuries he was hiding and, in one case, a cut on his nose.
“I can't believe one man could treat another man this way,” he added.
Mark Brooks, president of the Mankind Initiative, praised Jones' bravery and noted that it's not often you hear about the experiences of people like him.
“There's not a lot of information about male victims of domestic violence,” she said.
“It's not talked about much.”
“Therefore, there is not always awareness that domestic abuse occurs and can happen to them, including men.”
Both Jones and his mother hope he's ready to find love again in the future, but the time hasn't come yet, he said.
When Jones left her abuser, she was left with “the clothes on her back” and had to start over financially, build a new home and rebuild friendships, not to mention the work she had to do to recover. Your feet.
“That shook my faith for a long time. “I had low self-esteem because of the constant abuse,” she said.
“I had to go to therapy.”
He said there was a stigma around men talking about being abused, and he wanted to tell his story to try to change that.
Source link
