When it comes to sex, there are often kink secrets Or fantasies we'd like to explore but haven't tried yet.
This happens to almost all women, and 90% of us have some hidden sexual desire.
Sex-positive dating app Pure recently asked 3,000 women what fantasy they'd like to explore, and the answers were certainly anything but ordinary.
In fact, the desire that interested most women was an orgy. About 35% of women said that orgies, foursomes and threesomes were something they wanted to engage in.
Sexologist and sex expert Gigi Engle, ds sextoys.co.uko, says Subway about the intricacies of orgies and why women might want to participate in them.
“An orgy is group sex where everyone has sex in the same room, whether it's threesomes, foursomes, or a group of couples,” he says.
This is different from a gang bang, where one person receives and everyone else penetrates or gives.
Orgies are one of the oldest sexual acts described in the book, with Gigi noting that “they have basically been around since the dawn of human history.”
He adds: “The most popular orgies in history are probably Bacchanalia, a festival honoring the god of wine Dionysus in Greece and the spring harvest in ancient Rome and Greece.”
Sign up for The Hook-Up, Metro's sex and dating newsletter
Do you like reading such juicy stories? Do you need tips on how to spice up the atmosphere in the bedroom?
Sign up for The Hook-Up and we'll send the latest Metro sex and dating stories to your inbox every week. We can't wait for you to join us!
But what makes group sex so attractive to women?
“You can explore voyeurism and exhibitionism, which is a huge kink because you can watch an orgy and be watched by others,” Gigi explains.
“Engaging in this activity and tapping into your lustful, animalistic side is pure hedonism. They are a taboo topic, organizing orgies is something wild in society. This could be really exciting.
The only thing to watch out for is getting proper consent and sexually transmitted diseases. Gigi advises all participants to share their STD status in advance, use barrier methods such as condoms or dental cholera, and switch to new ones between sexual acts to ensure their effectiveness.
When determining consent, she says, “Any good, reputable sex party will have 'minders' who are sober caretakers who make sure people are following the rules and that they can go to them if something suspicious happens.”
In the world of orgies, close behind is rough sex, which 32% of women who took part in the survey said they were willing to experiment with, alongside power and control games.
This can often include Consensual and Non-Consensual (CNC) also where partners actively engage in sexual activity that exhibits an extreme element of force. This controversial twist can even include certain scenarios – such as “kidnapping” – to increase the intensity, as well as “rape fantasies”.
However, it goes without saying that rough sex should always be practiced with the enthusiastic consent of both parties.
Dr Lori Beth Bisbey, sex therapist, intimacy coach and psychologist, previously told Metro.co.uk: “The reason some people use CNC is because they don't want a 'fluffy' fantasy experience. They want the feeling of not being in control – rather than knowing how much control they have.
“I advise people not to do it with a stranger.”
According to Dr. Lori, you need to set “consumer outcomes” and plan for safe words despite the uncontrolled nature of CNC. The perceived lack of consent shown during this extreme form of rough sex is purely an act and both parties must be aware of it.
When in doubt, Dr. Lori added the handy acronym PRICK is always at hand. It means personal responsibility, conscious, unanimous consensus.
PRICK subscribes to the idea that as long as you take personal responsibility for yourself and are informed, you can truly consent to extreme – or seemingly dark – perversions.
Put simply, 20% of women surveyed said they would like to experiment with role-playing, which could involve wearing a sexy costume or pretending to be completely different people.
Kate Moyle, sex expert at sexual wellness brand LELO, told Metro.co.uk that prior communication is key.
'If you're interested in trying out a role then talk to your partner about it first, rather than just giving him the spotlight,' she said. “Then, if you both agree to give it a try, you'll be in the right place to use your imagination and get creative.”
You shouldn't put the experience on a pedestal either, as Kate adds: “One of the biggest disappointments is also the discrepancy between expectations and reality, so if you're new to roleplaying, don't expect everything to go exactly or planned perfectly…
“If you stick to a precise plan, as soon as it starts to go wrong, you get stuck in your head and your thoughts, and that can be a real turn off for pleasure and sexual desire.”
Other common desires that women hide include fantasizing about sex in public places, as well as introducing sex toys into the relationship.
So if women have a clear idea of what they want, why don't they experiment with those desires?
The reason is simple: 52% of women said they were afraid of being judged by their partner, and 46% would not feel comfortable sharing.
Some women were scared by the negative experience of opening up to their partner earlier. Nearly 30% regret sharing a particular inclusion previously and are now hesitant to do so again.
All of this feeds into the broader problem of women who continue to feel pressured during sex to behave a certain way to please their partner, while at the same time putting aside their own desires and needs.
Two-thirds of depressed women admitted they did things during sex that they didn't enjoy, and a quarter said they found it difficult to say “stop” if they no longer wanted to continue having sex. Even more disturbing, more than half of respondents stopped using contraception to make their partner happy.
Despite all this, there is some positive news. More than three-quarters (81%) of women are open to trying something new with their partner – just not necessarily what they suggest.
Sex and relationship expert Dr. Tara, ambassador for Clean Queens (a women's empowerment dating app subscription service), says: “I want women to feel free to talk about sex in a healthy way and not be perceived negatively.
“Educate yourself about sex, sexuality and pleasure. The more you know, the more empowered you will feel as you can begin to apply the knowledge to your own life.
“Communicate your expectations and desires regularly to respect your boundaries and self-esteem.”
While this is easier said than done, these are great things to put into practice and you never know, your partner may secretly want to try this sexual fantasy of yours.
This article was originally published on March 21, 2024.
Do you have a story you can share?
Contact MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk by email.
MORE : My dad started dating and won't stop telling me about his sex life
MORE: Peeing in the shower? This concerning side effect will make you think twice
MORE : This hardcore sex trend is set to grow in 2024, and it's double the fun
Sign up to our guide to events in London, trusted reviews, great deals and competitions. The best of London in your inbox
This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.
