DEAR ABBY: Brother dreads being asked to be best man

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DEAR ABBY: My brother recently called to tell me he had proposed to his girlfriend, and she happily accepted. While I’m glad he is happy, I’m worried about what to do if he asks me to be his best man.

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While his girlfriend can be a nice person, they have a one-sided relationship in which she controls a lot of what my brother does. She always needs to be the centre of attention at family functions and piles on the PDA toward my brother in public places.

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I feel bad for him because he hasn’t been in many romantic relationships and, to me, it just seems like he’s settling. I may be jumping the gun on this — maybe he won’t ask — but I really believe that the best man at their wedding should be someone who truly supports this relationship — and that isn’t me. Any advice? — “WORST MAN” IN NEW YORK

DEAR “WORST MAN”: Bide your time. Because your brother’s fiancee is the one in control, SHE may be the one who decides who should be the best man. If she has a brother or a male cousin she feels close to, you may be off the hook. However, if you are asked, you will have to fess up and tell him about your concerns as diplomatically as possible.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 57-year-old single mom. All four of my children live at home. My oldest daughter is also a single mom, with two beautiful children. She’s in college so she can get a good-paying job.

I have another daughter who is in her 20s and has intellectual delays. She lies around the house reading her phone or using her computer. She’s very messy and refuses to take care of herself or help with household chores.

A third daughter is also in college, but she lives in a dorm. When she’s home, she’s also kind of sloppy, and my son is beyond messy. There’s trash and dirty dishes all over his room. If I say anything, he ignores me. What would you do? — MESSED UP IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR MESSED UP: You have created this monster of a problem by failing to assert your authority as a parent. What I would do is something you should have done at LEAST 15 years ago: Tell the “children” what is expected of them, and what the penalty will be for ignoring you. Then, if they don’t shape up, show them the door. You have given your children everything except the incentive to take care of themselves.

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DEAR ABBY: I love animals and currently have a flock of chickens, all hens. I care for these girls, and in return I get wonderful fresh eggs. I live in a right-to-farm community, and I’m considering getting a rooster to give the girls some excitement. The problem is, roosters crow, I have neighbours and I’m not sure if they will be upset with the crowing early in the morning. Advice? — WAITING TO CROW IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR WAITING: If you think the hens will become excited when you adopt the rooster, imagine the stir it will cause among your neighbours. Ask them first, unless you want the feathers to fly.

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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