The latest crime documentary to hit our screens is being described as a “fairytale romance gone horribly wrong.” In the opening scene, he describes himself as “one crazy story.”
Although Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare is a true story, the nearly decade of fraud, manipulation and coercion it depicts is not a crime.
Catfishing – the name given to the use of fake online profiles to trick others into believing they are in a relationship – is not illegal in the UK.
Kirat Assi, temat NetflixThe Sweet Bobby documentary tells Sky News: “People say, 'How can you be so stupid?' This is a common question, but none of us (victims) are stupid. The perpetrator simply made every effort.”
Considered to be Britain's longest-known catfishing scam, it is the story of Kirata, an events assistant and radio presenter who was duped into believing she was in an online relationship with a cardiologist named Bobby Jandu from 2009 to 2018.
Using the identity of a real person Kirat had once briefly met, the perpetrator spent years building a fake friendship, and in late 2015 their relationship turned romantic. They even got engaged.
But nothing was what it seemed, and every interaction – with a total of about 60 people across multiple social media platforms – was only with Kirat's distant relatives.
Kirat admits she wasn't thrilled with the first telling of this story via Tortoise Media's podcast of the same name in 2021, let alone the documentary it's now inspiring.
So why is he allowing this to be shared with the world via the world's largest streaming platform?
Now 44, Kirat says: “At the moment of her confession, I screamed, 'Why?' But I've come to terms with it a long time ago… There's just no reason to do what she did. Now I just need to know how she did it.
Photo: Netflix
How miserable can one man be?
The documentary describes how, during Kirata's relationship with Bobby, he was shot six times in Kenya; placed in witness protection in New York; suffered a stroke, brain tumor and heart attack; and fathered a mysterious child.
But even though Kirat admits that she found it “weird”, “a little strange” and even asked herself: “How unlucky can one person be?”, Bobby's circle of friends and family have always confirmed the events of his life on various websites social media. media.
The pair Skyped throughout the night and constantly shared voice notes and messages.
Kirat is at pains to assure that it wasn't a 10-year affair and that she was initially against the idea because their friendship was heavily involved in the “dude zone.” But after years of persuasion, she says she finally gave in and they became a couple.
Kirat Assi in Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare. Photo: Netflix
“My Life Was Hell”
Kirat claims that toward the end of the relationship, Bobby became controlling, accusing her of flirting with other men and discouraging her from going to work or hanging out with friends and family.
She says that's when things took a turn for the worse: “I started losing weight… It was coercive control to the point where someone was molesting you, you had no sense of self anymore. And you, I'm just scared all the time.”
Then she hired a private detective who meets the real Bobby on the doorstep of his family home in Brighton.
Kirat says, “During this last period, I was just trying to find out the truth, but at the same time, I was trying to stay calm and not rock the boat because my life would have turned into hell. And it was hell enough.”
Photo: Netflix
“Victim shaming is dangerous.”
Despite the case being reported to the police in 2018, no charges were ever brought. The Met Police confirmed to Sky News that the case was closed in 2019 but has since been reopened for further investigation.
The 2020 civil lawsuit, believed to be the first successful UK catfishing claim of its kind, resulted in a private apology and a significant payout the following year.
Kirat hopes the documentary will inspire other catfishing victims to speak out.
“There is so much abuse and abuse on the internet. There is so much victim shaming that stops people from speaking out… we all suffer in silence.”
She says that since the podcast's 2021 launch, she has faced violent insults and trolling online.
Kirat's relative declined to be interviewed for the film, but her representatives told the documentary producers: “This case concerns events that began when she was a student. He considers it a private matter and strongly opposes what he describes as “numerous baseless and harmful accusations.”
Photo: Netflix
“I don't dare speak on her behalf.”
She hasn't seen her relative since the day she came to her house to confess to the fraud.
She admits that she “doesn't have the courage to speak out on her behalf” and adds that there is still a fear of speaking out in her tight-knit London Sikh community.
“I think people are still afraid of what he might do, even if the case is open. (People are afraid) because of the lack of action by the police, the slow action by the police and the limited action in the civil case. People just don't have faith that this issue has been addressed so that they can have their say.”
But Kirat refuses to be silenced: “The person who did this must be held accountable. I can't bear the burden of being blamed for bringing this to light. I had to do what was right for me.”
Photo: Netflix
“People expect me to be a moaning wreck.”
Six years after her world fell apart, Kirat is reunited.
She says she's back to her “fiery old self,” admitting that when people realize who she is, “they get the shock of their lives because they expect me to be a moaning wreck.”
But parts of her life are still disrupted: “I have to be very careful about what I do, how I do it, and who Googles me when it comes to work-related issues.”
With technology at our fingertips 24/7, Kirat has one warning: “It's getting easier and easier to do. The crazy things AI and the internet can do now are getting worse. “I feel 'lucky' that it hasn't happened to me now.”
Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare will be available to stream on Netflix from Wednesday, October 16.
