Alcohol does this to Dennis and his ladies

Bachelor

Here, we pose the big questions of the day.

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12 minus 1 plus 6 minus 2 plus 3 minus 4 equals 14. Is it too complicated? not at all! That’s the number of ladies added and subtracted after three episodes of The Bachelor , coming and going! The results are unequal, as the show now resorts to overlapping concepts that are completely annoying. The Night of Roses isn't over yet at the end of episode three, and episode four will begin with the flight of one, two or even three candidates. Or go your own way: No baby elephant can ignore the fact that Dennis is the most abandoned bachelor of all time.

How hard is that? Many women don't feel it at all. Or in the words of Bella, who just wants to drink Dennis' nectar for a day: “I just don't like the vibe.” Where there's no vibe, witchcraft doesn't help.

These three graces are new in episode three. The one in the middle is called Liliana, and the others are hard to tell apart. Most likely Bella on the left and Larissa on the right.Picture: CH Media

Bella doesn't just tell the truth, here's what happens: Bella's rival Liliana discovers Bella's chocolates in the refrigerator of the ladies' villa and says the chocolates are wrapped in a love letter to Bella. This love letter was not written by Dennis, but by another man. Bella is such a fool. But the man is also adorable.

Michelle's magic crystal clearly worked. We remember: Michelle gave it to Dennis in the first episode, and he was torn between joy and esoteric disbelief, joy won, and he placed Michelle's stone on his bedside table, apparently unhindered by its effects , because now the two of them have spent a lot of time on an intimate date on a boat full of kisses and rosé prosecco. You ask yourself: What exactly is the role of alcohol on dating shows?

Magicians Michelle and Denis are completely alone on the high seas. Or maybe not?Picture: CH Media

Answer: What a big one! Hey, imagine you're Denis and Michelle on the Böötli, with a sweaty camera crew and a captain behind you, a drone above you, and you have to look intimate and romantic. How does this help you? What would best spread its disinhibiting, relaxing effects? even.

Dennis does not think of Michelle as a blank slate, but as an “unwritten” piece of paper. An unwritten one. It's a new, innovative metaphor involving the familiar pot-bellied butterflies, airplanes, and doodles (presumably the plural form of “chribble”).

This photo is from a busy drone.Picture: CH Media

Nothing happened between Denis and Alancia. He calls her an “enigma,” hence the name “Super Mysterious Tempel Arag.” But then instead of Alancia having a dramatic talk about her terrible ectopic pregnancy that almost killed her, there were no tears in her eyes or even being cute for the sake of protectiveness, and Denis the sensitive and sentimental milkmaid missed those emotions .

Even Denis and Arencia's greetings didn't convey much warmth, let alone heat.Picture: CH Media

And what about our new favorite Valais Venance? Dennis always calls them “Venoos” which inevitably sounds like a lady's razor? Almost nothing. This gem of entertainment for the ladies barely gets any air time. How could it be? ! ? ! ? !

Okay ah ah ah!Picture: CH Media

But Mickey from Liechtenstein. The owner of absolute breast positivity, she displays her favorite pieces with unbridled exhibitionism and otherwise thinks she's pretty: “I'm mature, I'm as horny as an apple of temptation.”

Oh, what did Dennis see there? Of course, Mickey is on the move. By the way, these ladies are the winners of the challenge. They are “queens”.Image source: ch media

Dennis found himself in a dilemma. On the one hand, he claims he likes smart women and asks them to spell out “Sisyphus” from a murky alphabet soup, a word only one in four women knows. On the other hand, he said, “I now truly understand why I wanted to get to know you better, but I'll be honest: You look great, and that's why they're both roses for you.” Well, when you're around What should you do when there are so many tempting apples?

Here are the losers, the “maids.” Therefore, we open our mouths and follow the creation of a female caste gap that we believe has been overcome.Picture: CH Media

Otherwise? Also, I non-committally googled the topic of “reality show regrets” to see if anyone who has been on a show like The Bachelor ended up exposing their inner or outermost thoughts about their respective self-images. The idea is that their lives are happy. Spoiler: Mia Maddison, Cadel Los and Thorsten Leggat are not. Give an example.

They don't tell you anything? Well, they will never be as famous as Sisyphus, the martyr from classical legend who rolled a stone up a mountain for eternity. But they are definitely among the greatest in their respective fields.

So now go write everyone a love letter to your love life, wrap a piece of chocolate in it and hide it in plain sight 😉