On Friday, Judge Arthur Engoron put an exclamation point at the end of Donald Trump’s New York civil fraud case, ordering him to pay $355 million, plus interest payments that could bump the bill up to $450 mill or more.
So the obvious question now is, “How the fuck is he going to pay that?” His devotees’ GoFundMes—that’s not a joke; there are at least two—have so far barely raised enough to cover ketchup stain removal. And he’d need to come up with all that cash before he can appeal the verdict, it’s unclear whether he has it, or whom he might convince to give it to him. After all, if you have $355 million and loan it to Donald Trump, you need to have your head examined, because Dr. Ben Carson clearly left a sponge in there.
In the final weeks of his 2020 presidential campaign, Trump claimed a Joe Biden victory would “unleash an economic disaster of epic proportions” and cause a severe depression. Hardly anyone took him seriously at the time, but for once his prediction was spot-on. What our fave unseemly solipsist neglected to mention, of course, was that the crash would be narrowly focused, affecting only Trump’s businesses and the MAGA fools who send him money.
The correct answer to the “how will he pay” question is, of course, “Who the fuck cares? I have my own problems, like paroxysms of uproarious laughter brought on by acute episodes of schadenfreude, for which there is no known cure.”
But several experts have somehow been able to think this through without spontaneously snorting balloon animal-sized chunks of lung through their nostrils, so that’s where we’ll begin.
On Friday, CNN’s Kaitlan Collins interviewed Forbes senior editor Dan Alexander, who bluntly assessed Trump’s predicament.
“He doesn’t have the cash right now, especially if you add on that penalty with that interest and the E. Jean Carroll penalty, which comes to—with the two rulings on that comes to $88 million. Altogether you’re looking at over half a billion dollars.”
Alexander noted that the $400 million in cash reserves Trump claims to have still wouldn’t be enough, and even so, “You can’t just empty out your coffers and say, ‘Okay, I’m now down to zero. I’m still going to operate a major real estate company.’ He needs to have some cushion here.”
As a result, Trump’s options seem to be limited. He could try to refinance, sell his assets, or fall back on that old Trumpian standby: open corruption and graft.
“As you guys have talked about, the banks are going to have issues with being able to lend to him,” said Alexander. “He can’t even apply for a loan with many of these banks. But there are, for example, plenty of rich guys who might be interested in lending him $100 million, $200 million and may have good interest in wanting to do that for somebody who might become the president of the United States here in about a year. Another option is that he could sell assets, but Donald Trump has always been reluctant to sell things for what they’re actually worth, not to mention much less than they’re actually worth. He could be forced into a fire sale here and get really desperate.”
It’s actually rather astounding how matter-of-factly Alexander mentioned the “rich guys” loan option, considering that those rich guys could very well want something in return for their help—like, say, all of Ukraine. But you just know Trump would sell out his country before he’d ever consider selling one of his golf courses, so that’s almost certainly the option he’ll go with.
Then again, Trump spent his entire first term ignoring his hundreds of egregious financial conflicts of interest. What’s another four years?
Meanwhile, if Trump can’t pay, things could go cattywampus pretty quickly.
POLITICO:
In the civil fraud case, which is in New York state court, if Trump can’t post the funds or get a bond, then the judgment would take effect immediately and a sheriff could begin seizing Trump’s assets.
The rules are slightly different in federal court, which is the venue for the $83.3 million judgment that Trump owes for defaming the writer E. Jean Carroll after she accused him of raping her. (He also owes Carroll an additional $5 million from a separate verdict last year.) Carroll could pursue post-judgment discovery under the jurisdiction of the judge who oversaw the trial. Through that process, the judge could order Trump to produce his bank account records, place liens or garnish his wages.
[…]
If Trump truly can’t afford the judgments, he would have to declare bankruptcy.
Really? Again? While it’s doubtful Trump has ever gotten to chapter 11 in any book, it’s no secret that he’s seen—and lived—the movie half a dozen times.
Seeking a bond to cover the judgment while he appeals the case is also an option, but it comes with its own costs, including hefty fees and interest. And as POLITICO notes, it “would require Trump to find a third party willing to take on the risk of loaning him money.”
Could he grift his campaign donors or plunder his PACs for the cash? That might be tough. POLITICO spoke with Richard Pildes, a professor of constitutional law at the New York University School of Law, who stated, “Campaign funds cannot be used for that purpose regardless of whether the PAC is the decision-maker.”
And, regardless, those PAC funds are shrinking fast.
Meanwhile, Trump’s sole remaining primary opponent, Nikki Haley, is hoping the RNC will resist funneling money to Trump to cover his legal bills, even though the organization has now been entirely coopted by MAGA.
POLITICO:
“My biggest issue is I don’t want the RNC to become his legal defense fund. I don’t want the RNC to become his piggy bank for his personal court cases. We’ve already seen him spend $50 million worth of campaign contributions toward his personal court cases,” Haley told CNN’s Kaitlan Collins on Friday.
“Now we see him trying to get control of the RNC, so he can continue not to have to pay his own legal fees,” Haley continued.
[…]
Several senior Republican officials have expressed concern that Trump’s expected takeover of the RNC will ultimately pave the way for the committee to once again cover his legal bills.
Of course, judging by the wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from the Trump family, it’s clear that they’re taking this seriously. And they have to know a GoFundMe, bake sale, or new round of Trump NFTs aren’t going to give them much relief—so they’re a-squealin’.
First on the whine list, Eric Trump:
And here’s Donald Trump Jr., who separately told Newsmax the verdict was “absolute insanity” and “absolutely despicable.”
Donald’s father, Fred, had a slightly different reaction:
(Editor’s note: As noted in the above video many, many times: The above video was created with artificial intelligence.)
Meanwhile, Fox News spoke with several “experts”—one of whom was George W. Bush’s ex-press secretary Ari Fleischer—who are convinced this is terrible news for New York. For one thing, it may prompt Trump to move his flaming husk of a business empire to Florida.
“[Y]ou just say goodbye to New York, which fits a pattern that many successful people have been doing and leaving New York because New York is just too political, too blue and too punitive,” said Fleishcher, “You’re seeing that in the business community and among upper income New Yorkers already.”
We could add more Fox reax, of course, but they, and other right-wing media, all seem to be singing that same song.
So, instead, we’ll add a coda of our own, from the classic Depression-era tune “Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?”
Once I built a tower to the sun
Brick and rivet and lime
Once I built a tower, now
it’s doneI’m fuckedBrother, can you spare a dime?
Good luck with your personal Great Depression, Donny. Though I hope you won’t mind if the rest of us enjoy this roaring Biden economy.
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Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link.
