how hard is this for her

For many young people, their sexual orientation and gender are not something they can change. You try to rule out anything. This is offensive. Here you talk about bullying, but also about amazing support.

Annika Bangert/ch media

In fact, it might be as simple as: “I'm Samira. I speak for myself, and I just like people. I love the person more than the gender.” But the 16-year-old girl can't do that at home. explain. Her mother is from Egypt and her father is from Jordan. They grow up with homophobia and don't hide it from their children. When Samira once stood up to her father, he said, “What are you doing with feminism? Are you a lesbian or something?”

Samira's parents weren't the only ones to make negative comments about gay people. Her last relationship broke down because her ex-girlfriend was afraid to come out. The girls live in canton Graubünden. Her ex-girlfriend’s circle of friends came from mountain villages where, as Samira said, “everything wasn’t really accepted yet”.

She was one of 15 queer children and young people addressed by journalist and sociologist Christina Capres in her book “Queer Kids.” They talk about how they fell in love with someone of the same sex, or what it's like to be non-binary or trans. The people depicted provide insight into their processes of discovery and emotional worlds. This goes beyond the strident tone that dominates debates about queerness.

Some of them know that as men, they will only love men, and as women, they will only love women. Others describe their sexual orientation and, to some extent, gender identity as fluid. For many people, labels matter when an argument begins. “Pan” or “bi” – gives a name to their feelings. Older young people in particular often distance themselves from it. For example, 17-year-old Christelle said, “If I had to label myself, I would probably be pansexual. But I don't really identify with that label. That's why I just say I'm gay.”

Anyone who comes out makes themselves vulnerable

For many of the young people profiled, their sexual orientation, and sometimes even their gender, is not a given or immutable thing. You try to rule out anything. This differentiates them from older generations who followed a binary gender order. This book provides answers especially for those who were born in the 20th century and now look at these colorful young people in amazement. But it's more than that. It also gives children and teenagers growing up outside the rainbow bubble a glimpse into the kaleidoscope of gender and sexuality.

Although some of the subjects depicted have queer class or school friends, many of them are still very cautious about who they tell about their sexual orientation or gender identity. Anyone who comes out makes themselves vulnerable. Luan, 16, from the Basel region, said he knew he was gay at an early age. However, he suppressed it for a long time. This is mainly because of its category. ” was the main swear word, and there was a lot of bullying. I was very scared that they would target me too,” Luan said.

Silence – something Kristel, 17, from canton Nidwalden is also familiar with. She appeals to both men and women, often sitting where queer people are ridiculed. “They say stupid things and laugh, and I sit there and think: This isn't funny. But I don't say anything because it doesn't help. (…) I don't want to embarrass myself either.”

Barriers and lack of understanding in the environment are higher depending on the form of queerness. Or as Aurelia, a 19-year-old girl from the canton of Uri, puts it: “I know that I am privileged to be a lesbian in this country, even though it sounds silly. Gay and non-binary It's harder with people. For me it's like this: I'm a lesbian and as long as we don't talk about it, everyone's fine.”

Support from unexpected sources

The children and teenagers depicted come from both rural and urban areas. Some people grow up with parents from other cultures or in a religious atmosphere. Others, on the other hand, grew up in an environment dominated by senior vice presidents. While some are still in school, others work in offices or in construction. Their biographies show that devaluation and even hatred can affect everyone. But there is also understanding and tolerance. For example, 15-year-old transgender boy Rayyan received unconditional support from his Iraqi father, who also helped him find a gender-neutral Arabic name.

Lou, a 16-year-old transgender boy, also experienced full acceptance from an unexpected source: from his senior vice president-elected boss. Lou was working as an apprentice as an electrician and applied for the apprenticeship using his birth name. During his apprenticeship, he came to the company. From then on, his boss and his brother called him “Lou,” using male pronouns. “I am who I am, and as long as I do a good job, nothing else matters,” the boy said.

However, many of those profiled reported adverse experiences of bullying. Sometimes it lasts for years. Non-binary and trans young people in particular see school as a nightmare. For example, Lara is 15 years old and comes from canton Valais. For as long as she can remember, she's known she was a girl. Since kindergarten, she painted her nails, grew her hair long, and was always playing with the girls.

She came out as transgender in sixth grade. While her friends supported her, years of bullying by other peers began. They tortured Laura first with words and later with physical means, such as kicking her legs. Changing schools didn't help and the bullying continued in the new class.

Queerness: Just a trend?

Some of the young people profiled in the book suffer from depression or need professional help. Some of them were temporarily sent to mental hospitals. This also applies to Aurelia, a 19-year-old lesbian from the canton of Uri. “The fact that so many queer people are in psychiatric care is probably no coincidence. Being queer doesn't make life any easier,” she said.

A study from the University of Bern, the University of Education in Zurich, shows just how difficult it is for queer young people to find themselves in school. More than half of the 569 respondents aged 14 to 19 said they felt uncomfortable or unsafe at school because of their queer identity. Transgender young people have the highest value, nearly 70%. A quarter of them have changed schools as a result.

So, trans is not something that can be used to make you feel cool. on the contrary. But what about other forms of queerness? In the Zurich Youth Survey, 26% of ninth-grade students described themselves as “not or not entirely heterosexual.” In 2014 the figure was 7.4%. For boys, the rate rose from 4.2% to 8.9%. So is queerness really a trend among young people, as is often claimed?

Psychologist Ad J. Ott led a study on the well-being of queer young people in Swiss schools. He frames the debate in the book as follows: “Maybe in some youth groups it's actually cool to be queer. But when the argument comes from adults, my impression tends to be that it's not entirely normal for them to do so. They're the only ones One can imagine that there must be peer pressure, some form of coercion, because in their mind, no one can be queer of their own free will.

What do young people themselves say about this? Elodie, a 17-year-old omnisexual, said: “I don't think it would be a problem for me if my sexual orientation changed again. So that's it. The statement of this phase…even if it's just a phase, then in that That’s what happens in pictures, and then adults should accept that (…) ” Samira, 16, who falls in love with people, not genders, found this insightful quote: “For those who say it’s just a trend. , I said: Brother, you don’t know!” (aargauerzeitung.ch)

Young people have their own language – that's always been the case. But why can’t adults understand this language? we asked.

“Digga,” “Bro,” “Talahon,” “Aura”: you hear new words on campus all the time. The language of teenagers is constantly changing, with new words being added all the time. These new words are often inspired by social media, music, or everyday life.