All I did was give wedding advice – back then they called me a funny sponge

Wedding planner and venue owner Alison Rios McCrone helps solve your dilemmas, whether they're big or small, in her weekly agony column.

Dear Alison,

I got married a few years ago and even though it was the greatest day of my life, my husband and I are still a long way from paying it off.

Since then, I've become a bit of a wedding Scrooge and offer myself as a warning to engaged friends on why they should spend within their means, take their time, and not overpay on credit cards/take out loans like we did.

I especially increase this when I see friends spending money on unnecessary things, such as custom-made wedding toppers, multiple outfit changes, huge flower decorations on every table.

Some friends over the years have said they appreciated my advice, another recently commented that I was a funny fool and should let people make their own choices.

I don't regret our wedding day, but I do regret going into so much debt because I know we could have had a great time if it weren't for renting a van that only served espresso martinis.

Should I ease my fears?

Thanks,

Sasha

Dear Sasha

I see both ends here – weddings are fantastic and fun, but it's easy to blow anyone's budget.

It's very easy to spend money on things that, in hindsight, you wouldn't necessarily need, and you've obviously learned that lesson.

Organizing a wedding can be daunting, especially if you've never done it before, but once you've organized your own wedding or helped someone else plan, you'll learn many lessons.

It's great that you've gained valuable insights while planning your own wedding and are trying to prevent your friends from making the same financial mistakes.

In fact, there have been many surveys over the years asking couples if they have any regrets as they plan their wedding day. A theme that always comes up is that they wish they had spent less, but keep in mind that this only applies to some couples, not all.

You clearly identify with this experience, and it makes sense that you'd want to share this wisdom with your friends, especially since you're still paying for your wedding.

However, each bride and groom have different priorities, This is something you need to be aware of when giving advice you find helpful.

It's also worth considering that you won't know the couple's financial situation. Some of your friends can afford it and will be happy to indulge in flower displays or multiple outfit changes.

It's important to remember that weddings are a deeply personal matter; for some people, being crazy about certain elements is part of the magic. When you understand and respect this, your advice will be more empathetic and less intrusive.

So, while your advice is well-intentioned, it may come in handy for some people when you suppress your joy at the excitement of others – hence the “funny sponge” comment.

My advice would be to maintain your passion for helping others avoid wedding debt – but consider changing your approach.

Share your story in a way that treats your experiences as something to consider rather than something that may feel like a lecture. This approach will make your advice more accessible and useful, creating a more open and understanding conversation.

A gentler approach shows that as much as you enjoyed your wedding day, if you do it again, you may be limited to a few extras that you realize may not have been necessary. Then, if any couple wants to know more, they can ask questions.

Your friends will appreciate your honesty, but it's up to them to decide whether to ask more questions about what you've learned or how they might want to spend their wedding extravagantly.

I wish you a lot of fun and share your emotions with your friends during the preparations for their wedding.

Best wishes

Alison

Do you have a story you'd like to share? Contact jess.austin@metro.co.uk.

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