Donald Trump loves The Ten Commandments, y’all! Go on and ask him. Just don’t ask if he follows them, because he doesn’t and has no intention of ever doing so. Incredibly, he’s enshrined both of these core Trumpian values in his writings—almost as if he’s counting on his devout evangelical followers not to read anything, like, ever.
It’s a pretty safe assumption that they won’t, of course, but that’s nothing new. After all, this is the same guy who, during his first impeachment, continually told his followers to “read the transcript” of his call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, even though it clearly implicated him in a scheme to corruptly pressure a foreign head of state into launching an investigation into Trump’s top political opponent.
So asking MAGAs to read something—even something as simple as The Ten Commandments—is clearly not going to break their trust in their golden god.
That said, the Yellin’ Felon’s latest Goof Social post—which comes on the heels of Louisiana’s new law requiring public schools to post the Commandments—is an exercise in hubris that by all rights should earn him an unceremonious smiting.
Here was the latest post from Dear Leader, who brings a brand-new covenant to God’s flock, sanctified by the body and blood (i.e., transubstantiated garlic bread and chunky Ragu) of their New Messiah.
Read it? Okay, sure—but you first, Donald. Because it really seems like you haven’t. Then again, Trump uses the familiar shorthand, TTC, to refer to The Ten Commandments, just like all the cool kids did back in 1400 B.C.E. So obviously he’s a big fan.
Of course, there’s more than one version of The Ten Commandments. Jews, Catholics, and Protestants all have subtly different lists. And then there’s the version, explicitly referred to as The Ten Commandments in Exodus, that includes rules like “you shall not boil a goat in its mother’s milk.” Maybe Trump is referring to those commandments, because he’s definitely not following the list as it’s traditionally understood.
For our purposes, I’ll use the Catholic version, since I spent 11 years in Catholic schools and would hate to think it was all just a colossal waste of time. (I swiped this particular iteration from the Catholic News Agency.)
Here are The Ten Commandments, and 10 11 ways Trump has, or continues to, brazenly defy them.
1. I, the Lord, am your God. You shall not have other gods besides me.
Note that this one doesn’t say “unless you think you’re God—then it’s fine.” Trump has continually made clear that he acknowledges no power higher than himself. There’s plenty of prima-facie evidence to support this, but perhaps the biggest tell came in 2015 when Republican pollster Frank Luntz asked Trump if he’s ever asked God’s forgiveness.
“I am not sure I have. I just go on and try to do a better job from there. I don’t think so,” Trump said. “I think if I do something wrong, I think, I just try and make it right. I don’t bring God into that picture. I don’t.”
Later in the interview, perhaps to clarify that he had no fucking idea what he was talking about on this or any subject, Trump continued his scintillating Sunday School lesson: “When I drink my little wine—which is about the only wine I drink—and have my little cracker, I guess that is a form of asking for forgiveness, and I do that as often as possible because I feel cleansed. I think in terms of ‘let’s go on and let’s make it right.’”
Okay, but the whole point of Christianity is that we’re all sinners who can’t be redeemed without the saving grace of God. So saying you’re not a sinner and that you don’t care about God’s forgiveness is to catastrophically miss the point.
2. You shall not take the name of the Lord, your God, in vain.
Unless you’re Donald Trump, of course. Then it’s okay.
Consider the time Paul Hardesty, a state senator from West Virginia, was forced to field calls from constituents complaining about Trump’s overt blasphemy.
Politico, Aug. 12, 2019:
“The third phone call is when I actually went and watched his speech because each of them sounded distraught,” said Hardesty, who describes himself as a conservative Democrat.
Here’s what he would have seen: Trump crowing, “They’ll be hit so g–damn hard,” while bragging about bombing Islamic State militants. And Trump recounting his warning to a wealthy businessman: “If you don’t support me, you’re going to be so g–damn poor.”
To most of America, the comments went unnoticed. Instead, the nation was gripped by the moment a “send her back” chant broke out as Trump went after Somali-born Democratic Rep. Ilhan Omar, an American citizen. But some Trump supporters were more fixated on his casual use of the word “g–damn” — an off-limits term for many Christians — not to mention the numerous other profanities laced throughout the rest of his speech.
Other profanities? Come on, now. That doesn’t sound like him at all.
3. Remember to keep holy the Lord’s day.
President Joe Biden, a practicing Catholic, attends church services regularly. Trump, a practicing narcissist, claimed in 2015 that he attended Manhattan’s Marble Collegiate Church. But that was evidently news to Marble Collegiate Church.
“Donald Trump has had a longstanding history with Marble Collegiate Church, where his parents were for years active members and one of his children was baptized,” the church said in a statement following Trump’s assertion that he attended services there. “However, as he indicates, he is a Presbyterian, and is not an active member of Marble.”
Well, maybe they just didn’t see him! A guy who takes his faith this seriously is unlikely to draw attention to himself.
4. Honor your father and your mother.
This one’s a gray area. Trump does honor his father by being a virulent racist, but his feelings about his mother appear to be a bit more complicated.
Politico Magazine:
When Donald Trump moved into the Oval Office in January, he placed on the table behind the Resolute Desk a single family photo—of Fred Trump, his father. Sometime in the spring, White House communications director Hope Hicks told me recently, the president added one of his mother, Mary Trump. When, exactly, and why, Hicks couldn’t or wouldn’t say. This scenario, as uneven as it may seem, was a continuation of the setup in Trump’s office on the 26th floor of Trump Tower, where a photo of his father always was proudly, prominently situated on his desk—and a photo of his mother, in the words of a former staffer, was “noticeably absent.” It can be risky to read too much into the placement of family pictures—except with Trump, it confirms a disparity that has been evident for decades: the looming, constant presence of his father, and the afterthought status of his mother.
So does placing his mother’s photo on his desk as an afterthought amount to “honoring” her? That’s a judgment call. What’s not a judgment call is Trump’s glaring failure to honor the mother of three of his children. He buried her on a golf course. Possibly for the tax benefits.
5. You shall not kill.
At least seven people who died as a result of the Jan. 6, 2021, assault on our Capitol would like a word.
6. You shall not commit adultery.
Bwahahahaha! Do we even have to do this one?
Of course, there’s a potential loophole here, because the commandment does not specifically say, “Thou shalt not grab them by the pussy.” That said, we have plenty of greatest hits to choose from. Let’s just go with the time Trump slept with an adult film star while his wife was home with his newborn son.
7. You shall not steal.
Context is important here, of course. Is it “stealing” to solicit funds from your pissed-off supporters for a “stop the steal” fund that never existed? Or to funnel money meant for a kids’ cancer charity to your own businesses? Or to systematically commit financial fraud?
Nah. The writers of the Old Testament were probably thinking more along the lines of bread crusts and goats. So as long as he doesn’t filch any goats and boil them in their mothers’ milk—at worst, he’d insist that McDonald’s do it for him—he’ll probably get a pass from evangelicals.
8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
Sheesh. Where to start? Bearing false witness is pretty much all he does.
Let’s just go with birtherism, Trump’s entry into the fever swamps of right-wing conspiracy-mongering.
For years, Trump raised suspicions about President Barack Obama’s birth certificate and questioned his eligibility to run for president. In 2011, he even told “Today’s” Meredith Vieira that he’d sent investigators to Hawaii to “study” the conspiracy claims, insisting “they cannot believe what they’re finding.”
But Trump never released those findings, which suggests that he either 1) never actually sent investigators to Hawaii or 2) decided it would be wrong to call into question the legitimacy of a sitting president. That one’s a real puzzler, huh?
For what it’s worth, Michael Cohen, Trump’s former attorney and fixer, claimed Trump made the story up out of whole cloth because the birther stuff boosted his popularity.
Both CNN’s Anderson Cooper and ABC News’ George Stephanopoulos later asked him about the status of these investigations, but Trump dodged them both, telling Stephanopoulos, “It’s none of your business right now.” Maybe it’s time the press start asking him about this again—though they won’t because, well, it’s pretty much taken as a given that Trump just makes shit up.
9. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.
“I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look.” — Just some of the delightful comments from Trump revealed in a 2005 conversation caught on a hot microphone.
10. Bonus covetousness!
Trump’s wife-coveting ways are well established, but we don’t have to take the fake news’ word for it. HE WROTE ABOUT IT IN ONE OF HIS BOOKS!
In “The Art of the Comeback,” Trump wrote (or forced his ghostwriter to write), “If I told my real experiences with women, often seemingly very happily married and important women, this book would be a guaranteed best-seller (which it will be anyway!).”
Okay then!
11. You shall not covet your neighbor’s goods.
There are the decades he spent grifting the suckers who trust him. For instance, he cleaned out investors in his public casino company before walking away with $44 million. And he scammed thousands of students at his fake university.
Why? Because he wants all the money. You might even say he “covets” it—and his newfound hero Hannibal Lecter would no doubt agree.
Of course, as we all know, Trump is the most Christian-y Christian who ever Christianed, so if the Bible says something that contradicts him, it must be wrong. Luckily, he’s released his own version.
And if that’s not cover enough, the Holy Sharpie will no doubt take care of everything.
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